Dirty secrets of the ultra-wealthy's nannies: Insider spills insecure wives' outrageous demands... and unspoken rule that should never be broken

By ALYSSA GUZMAN, US NEWS REPORTER Published: 23:00, 16 June 2026 | Updated: 23:01, 16 June 2026 Job description: looking for a college-educated, multilingual, British-trained nanny who doesn't use slang words around my children and won't sleep with my husband. Designer handbag included. Salary: up to $250,000. These are typical requirements etiquette coach, Myka Meier, sees super-rich mothers requesting in a nanny. These women are upping their standards to ensure they are not letting just anyone through the doors of their mansions or aboard their private jets.  Not only are nannies expected to speak multiple languages, hold master's or nursing degrees, and come with age-old discretion, they are now also being asked to keep their appearances modest to avoid attracting husbands' wandering eyes.  'The mom will say, "I just want her toned down,"' Meier, who has launched a new nanny training course this week through her New York-based company Beaumont Etiquette, told the Daily Mail. 'We have definitely had mothers who have said no makeup, no false eyelashes.'  Appearance matters for the wealthy, Meier added. The expert has clients from all over the world and many in the wealthy Long Island enclave of the Hamptons.  She explained this request for less is about more than just preventing the male gaze or protecting insecurities, as a nanny is viewed as an extension of a wealthy family's aesthetic.  Etiquette coach Myka Meier told the Daily Mail some wealthy moms request their nannies be 'toned down' to avoid any risk of their husband's wandering eye  Nannies are expected to teach children proper etiquette such as how to sit at a table and eat dinner For a 52-year-old nanny working in the Hamptons, that meant she had to avoid wearing patterns and polish her shoes daily, as she was often the first person a guest would meet upon walking into the family's mansion, Meier said.  She also had to keep a seasonal wardrobe that met the family's standards – clean-cut and modern – and was forbidden to eat garlic, due to her front-facing role.  The nanny had to be bilingual and a modern-day Mary Poppins with British training. She was in charge of getting the kids to and from the helicopter to be flown into New York City for doctor's appointments and summer fun, and had to have perfect dining etiquette to make sure the children know how to properly hold a fork and knife.  Meier said the nanny was paid handsomely for her role, and got a clothing budget big enough to afford designer pieces. She also got to travel all over the world with the family – though, she sat in economy while her bosses enjoyed first class. On average, Western nannies are paid between $60,000 and $250,000, not including their clothing budget, expected travel and live-in arrangements. But with the high salaries and even better perks comes a list of curated demands that are non-negotiable.  Meier said for one family, that included ensuring the nanny had a boating license. For another, it meant the nanny could only wear one specific shade of nail polish.  One nanny was paid handsomely for her role, and got a clothing budget big enough to afford designer pieces  A scene from Mary Poppins, which serves as an example for the kind of child rearing some nannies have to perform – minus the magic, of course People gather in the wealthy enclave of Sag Harbor in the Hamptons, where the ultrarich have long employed nannies to keep their children wrangled A third had to take a cosmetology course to learn 13 different types of braids to do a little girl's hair daily. A fourth had to be able to sing and perform for the children.  Many are also required to be good cooks and be able to cater to different dietary preferences. 'Today's elite nanny is part caregiver, part educator, part travel companion and part trusted advisor to the family,' Meier told the Daily Mail. 'Families are increasingly hiring for emotional intelligence as much as childcare experience.'  Emotional intelligence includes knowing not to ask for a photograph with your boss' famous friend – a lesson one nanny learned too late.  It left her bosses horrified and resulted in her being required to take an etiquette class, Meier said.  'I think that the highest-paid nannies aren't necessarily the ones with the most years of experience, they're actually often ones with the strongest soft skills,' she added. 'They understand they're social chameleons. They see what the family needs, they want to fit in with the family. 'And I think children don't learn manners from a lecture, they learn from watching the adults around them every day, which ends up being the nanny, in many cases.'  General expectations for nannies are that they will work 40 to 50 hours a week, with many doing overtime.  An aerial view of Southampton, New York, where Beaumont Etiquette has a lot of clients On average nannies to the super rich make between $60,000 and $250,000, not including their clothing budget and travels They are generally aged between 22 and 34 or 48 or older, since many take a break to raise their own children before returning to the profession, Meier said. She told the Daily Mail that she has clients from all over the world, but families in New York, the South and England tend to be stricter about dress codes and grooming efforts.  One family in England wanted their staff in Norland nanny uniforms, which include a drab brown dress, brown loafers and a small, dark brown porkpie hat.  Norland College is known as being the world's most prestigious nanny school as it offers rigorous training including self defense. Some families provide a uniform, while others only require certain colors, like khaki pants and a dark blue polo, Meier said. Having listened to what families have been wanting for years, Meier, who is a dual British-American citizen, launched Beaumont Etiquette in 2012 offering courses and training. She is a co-founder of The Plaza Hotel's Finishing Program and trained in London under a former member of the Royal Household of Queen Elizabeth II. Her company was named the official etiquette partner of Downton Abbey: The Exhibition during its US tour. She recently launched a new $250 online course, which features 53 asynchronous classes. In order to get a certificate of completion, a nanny has to pass a test at the end.  A look at the world's most prestigious nanny school, Norland College. Some families require that their staff wear a brown Norland uniform  Meier launched an online etiquette course for nannies It teaches the basics of dressing and grooming, how to welcome guests, how to use titles such as lords and ladies, and how to do laundry, among other topics. It will also teach nannies how to speak and present themselves to fit in with the high-status families.  Nannies can sign themselves up for the course, but families can also enroll their staff. Meier also offers a $5,000 in-person course in New York that comes with a stylist to make sure the nannies have not a thread out of place.  Many nannies have started including Meier's courses on their resume as more super wealthy families demand higher standards and want to see evidence that they are trained in etiquette. 'It's their right to want that,' Meier said of the ultra rich. 'Children spend time with full-time nannies. They're picking up on their etiquette, on their mannerisms – and even in our program, we talk about sophisticated verbiage, and which words to replace, and which words never to say.  'We created the program after years of this training, and making lists and courses based on what these families were asking for.'  The comments below have not been moderated. The views expressed in the contents above are those of our users and do not necessarily reflect the views of MailOnline. By posting your comment you agree to our house rules. 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