Why the Swans scandal is also a brutal lesson for Anthony Albanese who loves lecturing everyone else: Peter van Onselen

By PETER VAN ONSELEN, POLITICAL EDITOR, AUSTRALIA Published: 03:06, 24 August 2026 | Updated: 03:06, 24 August 2026 A Sydney Swans player allegedly joked that another had 'done an Albo' during the alleged lap-dancing session at the centre of the club's hotel room scandal. The line was a direct reference to Anthony Albanese's grubby 'melons' performance on the Bush Deep podcast. Yet there was the Prime Minister on the ABC's 7.30 program last Thursday, lecturing the AFL that it 'needs to do better' and declaring its initial response 'completely unacceptable'. You couldn't script the hypocrisy more clearly. Does our PM have no shame? No serious person could claim Albo's podcast performance caused what allegedly occurred in that hotel room, or that what he did was remotely equivalent to sexual violence. But one of the players allegedly reached for the conduct of the nation's most powerful man as bawdy shorthand during the very episode now under police investigation. Senior Labor women have spent weeks insisting Albo's behaviour was harmless and wilfully misinterpreted. Apparently, the meaning was clear enough to at least one Swans player. That leaves the PM's self-righteous lecture in tatters and Tanya Plibersek in a particularly humiliating position. She has become the apologist-in-chief among Labor's senior women. A Sydney Swans player allegedly joked that another had 'done an Albo' during the lap dancing session at the Pullman Hotel in Melbourne last week (pictured Albanese's grubby 'melons' performance on the Bush Deep podcast) Swans players Nick Blakey (left) and Isaac Heeney are among the five players suspended for breaching the club's standards While you might expect such hypocrisy from Albo's close mate Penny Wong, it's deeply disappointing to hear it from Plibersek. 'When people in positions of power gloss over allegations of sexual violence, when they're more focused on their reputations than their responsibilities, it reinforces the culture of disrespect and entitlement that fuels this violence,' Plibersek thundered. Her words were aimed at Scots College and the Sydney Swans, not at Albo or the example he has set. But strip away the names, and her broader argument reads like a brutally accurate indictment of them both. The PM demands that others consider the culture their conduct creates while minimising his own contribution to it. Plibersek demands that institutions put responsibilities ahead of reputations while repeatedly putting Albo's reputation ahead of her supposed principles. Don't forget that the same podcast included him agreeing he'd 'shag' Kylie Minogue and declaring that South Sydney Rabbitohs victories act as an aphrodisiac within his marriage. It wasn't sexual violence; it was lowbrow, juvenile and beneath the office of a prime minister. That distinction doesn't make it culturally irrelevant, particularly now that a Swans player is alleged to have invoked Albo's conduct during the lap-dancing session. Plibersek's central premise is correct: the language and behaviour of powerful people help shape the broader culture. But she can't advance that argument against a football club while excusing her boss, and Albo can't credibly lecture the AFL about its culture while refusing to take honest responsibility for his own behaviour. Albo lectured the AFL that it 'needs to do better' and declared its initial response as 'completely unacceptable' during an appearance on ABC's 7.30 last week  His performance on 7.30 made the hypocrisy even worse than it already was. After condemning the AFL, Albo was asked by host Sarah Ferguson what he had learned from his Bush Deep appearance. He retreated into clichés about needing to 'do better every day'. Ferguson called that answer out for what it was. Eventually, he conceded that he wouldn't have appeared on the podcast if he had his time again, admitting that accepting the invitation was an error. But Albo still hasn't acknowledged the obvious meaning of his 'melons' performance or apologised for it. His concession focused on accepting the invitation, not on what he did once the cameras were rolling. When Albo humiliated himself and the office he holds on that podcast, Plibersek leapt to his defence, suggesting that 'shag' was a euphemism for 'fan' and using Labor's broader policies on women as a rhetorical shield. It was a masterclass in the exact 'passive and exculpatory' reputation management she subsequently condemned when the institution under scrutiny wasn't her own political party. When footage emerged of Albo giggling at sexualised jokes about Japanese Prime Minister Sanae Takaichi and her gift of melons, Plibersek again threw herself down as the PM's human crash mat. Rather than ask why Australia's leader was participating in schoolboy banter about a female world leader, she attacked those who noticed it. Plibersek didn't need to stage a courageous cabinet revolt. She didn't even need to condemn Albo, if doing so was beyond her reach. Tanya Plibersek has become Albanese's apologist-in-chief amongst Labor's senior women She could simply have said, 'Those are questions for the Prime Minister.' It wouldn't have been a strong response, but at least it would have prevented her from becoming a pathetic apologist for her male boss, who, by the way, has never done anything for Plibersek. The issue is the example a national leader sets, alongside the hypocrisy of those who defend it while mouthing off about others. Plibersek says that 'wherever people can call out sexism, they should do it'. Wherever, apparently, except when the sexism comes from her boss. Albo says the AFL must examine how its culture developed. Apparently, the same obligation doesn't extend to examining his own behaviour honestly and the way it shapes culture. But the hypocrisy doesn't end there. Labor MP Luke Gosling remains a government special envoy despite being charged with two counts of assault. When Plibersek was asked whether his position was tenable, she suddenly discovered the virtues of silence and the importance of due process. 'I'm not going to comment,' she said. Albo had already declined to stand Gosling aside, so Plibersek was marching to her leader's tune. Gosling denies the allegations and is entitled to the presumption of innocence, as is anyone in that sort of situation, a point some people need reminding of. But neither Albo nor Plibersek was asked to determine his guilt. The question was whether their government should impose an interim consequence on one of its officeholders. That's precisely the kind of institutional leadership they demanded from the Swans. Albo even pointed approvingly to the NRL's no-fault stand-down system while criticising the AFL for not using a similar approach. Yet a member of his own government who has actually been charged with assault remains a special envoy. Square that circle. The Swans, meanwhile, effectively detonated their finals campaign by standing down five players for the rest of the season over breaches of club standards, leaving the criminal investigation to police. That is an institution imposing consequences for conduct it can establish without prejudging criminal guilt.