The No. 1 Habit That Keeps A Romantic Spark Alive, By A Psychologist

InnovationScienceThe No. 1 Habit That Keeps A Romantic Spark Alive, By A PsychologistByMark Travers,Contributor.Forbes contributors publish independent expert analyses and insights. I write about relationships, personality, and everyday psychology.Follow AuthorJun 14, 2026, 09:00am EDTThe spark doesn’t have to fade with familiarity. Research reveals the one habit that helps couples keep curiosity and attraction alive.gettyWhen couples first fall in love, desire often feels effortless. It only takes something as simple as a text message to trigger excitement. Hours disappear in conversation. Even mundane activities seem infused with novelty. Then, gradually, life and habitual routines start getting in the way, and many couples are left wondering where that initial spark went.One of the most influential explanations for why desire thrives (or declines) over time comes from self-expansion theory, developed by psychologists Arthur and Elaine Aron, which argues that humans are motivated to grow, learn and broaden their sense of self throughout life. Romantic relationships are particularly powerful vehicles for this growth because they expose us to new experiences and ways of seeing the world.In the early stages of a relationship, self-expansion is largely automatic, as new partners are most inclined at this point to learn about each other’s unfamiliar interests, social circles, habits and ideas. And although their eventual familiarity with one another creates a foundation of stability and trust, it can also reduce opportunities for growth if curiosity disappears completely.What self-expansion theory suggests is that maintaining desire may depend less on trying to recreate the excitement of the honeymoon phase and more on continuing to expand through the relationship. Here are three evidence-based ways couples can put it into practice, according to psychological research.Habit 1: Regularly Engage In Novel, Shared ActivitiesOne of the simplest ways to create self-expansion...