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Generally speaking, I quite enjoy having ADHD, which I appreciate is a peculiar place to begin a Clockwatch. But one time I absolutely hate it is when I’m watching a Roberto De Zerbi team, knocking the ball about at the back backwards, forwards and side to side until the opposition lose the will to live and do exactly what they know he wants them to do, pressing his defenders just to get things moving. For those who struggle with impulsivity and sensation, frustration and concentration, this turns an antidote – football – into a poison – also football. Such is the beauty of the game.

And we can be certain that even the most inattentive, antsy and compulsive Spurs fan will be delighted to suffer such behaviour if it keeps them in the Premier League – a situation looking less likely by the day. If it’s not Mohammed Kudus suffering a setback it’s West Ham slapping Wolves, the cosmos seeming rounding on the club and with good reason; years of parsimony, arrogance and mismanagement have brought us to here, here being 13 in 2026 of which they’ve lost eight and drawn five, scoring 13 and conceding 27. Rarely, if ever, has a plight been so comprehensively earned.

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