Row Z: Arteta's analogies, a dribbling goalkeeper - and a film star/footballer job swap?

AFC BournemouthArsenalAston VillaBrentfordBrighton & Hove AlbionBurnleyChelseaCrystal PalaceEvertonFulhamLeeds UnitedLiverpoolManchester CityManchester UnitedNewcastle UnitedNottingham ForestSunderlandTottenham HotspurWest Ham UnitedWolverhampton WanderersScores & ScheduleStandingsFantasyThe Athletic FC NewsletterPodcastsCommentaryRow Z: Arteta’s analogies, a dribbling goalkeeper – and a film star/footballer job swap?Mikel Arteta has come under fire after defeat against Manchester City Getty Images Share articleWelcome to Row Z, The Athletic’s weekly column that shines a light on the bonkers side of the game. From clubs to managers, players to organisations, every week we’ll bring you the absurdities, the greed, the contradictions, the preposterousness and the oddities of the sport we all love… So the big title showdown went Manchester City’s way after they beat Arsenal 2-1, mostly because the weather was quite sunny. It was a terrific match and one that will have ramifications for a while to come… as in, every Premier League footballer now knows for certain they have to drop to the floor convulsing in melodramatic agony if an opposition player is to be punished by the referee, after Erling Haaland’s normal, human response to a Gabriel headbutt. Nice one, ref. Anyway, Arsenal may have lost but they played pretty well at the Etihad after weeks of sluggish performances. Perhaps it was no coincidence they looked much better given how motivated they all were, due to Mikel Arteta’s inspirational training-ground method (first reported in The Athletic) that he, after calling for his team to play with fire, also physically lit a fire, to really hammer home the analogy. This kind of thing is nothing new at Arsenal’s training ground. Previous antics have included Arteta holding up a light bulb to represent energy and electricity, hiring a pickpocket to steal things from the players to suggest they should be aware of what is going on around them, and having a training-ground dog called Win. Arteta actually attempted several other cutting analogies last week in a bid to get his players to the peak of their powers. Row Z has gained exclusive access to the list of things he tried. After one of the best days of Premier League football in living memory on Sunday, what with the title six-pointer, Liverpool’s dramatic derby win at Everton, Aston Villa’s rollercoaster 4-3 victory over Sunderland and Nottingham Forest’s vital comeback win against Burnley, it’s important not to forget the goalless monstrosity that was Brentford versus Fulham on Saturday. Just how bad it was can be accurately depicted in one statistic. No player completed more dribbles than Caoimhín Kelleher vs Fulham (1). 🕺 pic.twitter.com/ElSMkuREAJ — WhoScored (@WhoScored) April 18, 2026 It’s been a horrible season for Leicester City, who could be relegated to League One on Tuesday, 10 years after they won the Premier League. There’s a level of intrigue at Row Z HQ about how they announce what feels like an inevitable relegation, given last year’s excruciatingly corporate missive from the Leicester admin team. Today’s result means our place in the 25/26 Championship has been confirmed. pic.twitter.com/dIooOPVSRa — Leicester City (@LCFC) April 20, 2025 To be fair, if you’re Leicester’s media team, you don’t want to be posting anything but the basics on X right now, given the pitchfork-wielding replies they’re justifiably getting on a daily basis. You almost pity them for presumably being ordered to post a link to the club’s end-of-season awards vote last week, inviting fans to vote for the player of the season, young player of the season and goal of the season. James Mals: “Filbert the Fox. At least he puts in some effort.” Ronald McBurger: “Player of the season award should go to a randomly selected fan who managed to turn up to every game this season and not throw up once.” Joe Butler: “I vote for Harry Winks for negotiating £90k a week.” Martin J: “You know the Leicester comedy festival ended in February, right?” Nick Jackson: “You cannot be serious? Unless it’s awards for most inept… most incompetent… doesn’t want to be here the most… s**t at his job so got a promotion award.” Pep Guardiola’s contribution to world football has been absolutely immense and his achievements and legacy will continue to reverberate around the sport for decades to come. But he’s also responsible for this… 🤯 Diego Luna atento, presiona y anota a favor de @realsaltlake. 📺 Mira el partido en vivo en @AppleTv: https://t.co/EPv2ZQvUq2 pic.twitter.com/ul474G6euU — MLS Español (@MLSes) April 19, 2026 Diego Luna’s goal was a fifth-minute opener in what ended up as a 4-2 victory for Real Salt Lake over San Diego FC. And finally this week, while actor Tom Hiddleston offered some genuinely thought-provoking opinions on handling pressure on Sky Sports before Manchester City versus Arsenal, this was undoubtedly the social media post of the week… somewhere a very confused director is meeting Tom Huddlestone https://t.co/PI90y92OFG — . (@SCFCJosh96) April 17, 2026 Spot the pattern. Connect the terms Find the hidden link between sports terms