I’ve been married 25 years – thanks to not behaving like my father

Eddie Marsan, 57, is a English actor, known for his roles in Gangs of New York, Mission: Impossible III, Sherlock Holmes and Ray Donovan. Born in London’s East End, he originally worked as a printmaker before studying acting at Mountview Academy of Theatre Arts in south London, and landing early roles in Casualty, The Bill, and Grange Hill. He and his wife, Janine, a makeup artist, have four children, Tilly, 21, Blu, 20, Bodhi, 17, and Rufus, 15. He now stars in new Sky Atlantic drama Prisoner.

Here he shares the experiences that shaped him.

My parents’ volatile marriage didn’t make for a happy home life. But my challenging childhood brought unexpected gifts. If it hadn’t been for that instability, I might not have found the people who stayed with me. Bethnal Green, where I grew up, was incredibly mixed – Irish, Bangladeshi, Jamaican and Maltese families. Joyce Mitchell and her family, from St Lucia, lived on our landing. I’ve called Joyce “Mum” since I was 10, and I still call her that now. Coming from such a diverse community helped me become a versatile actor.

Mum was a primary school assistant; my dad a lorry driver. Some local white, working-class families feared change, even supporting the British National Party or National Front. But the community around me felt different: loving, supportive and focused not on what they were, but who they could become. They came to my plays when I was struggling and celebrated my early success on The Bill. My childhood friends became artists, teachers, writers and businessmen. Many of us came from chaotic homes. Succeeding meant taking control of that chaos.

I left school with no qualifications. My elder sister was academically gifted, but when my parents’ relationship finally collapsed, I was caught in the middle. We never had much money, so at 13, I started working in the Royal Oak on Columbia Road. When I was 16, I got a Saturday job at Bennett Menswear in Bethnal Green. Mr Bennett became a surrogate father. When I told him I wanted to act, he said if I got into drama school, he would pay the fees.

One of my guiding lights has always been not to behave like my father. I’ve been married for 25 years. I’m very lucky. I met Janine when she made me look like a pig for a film called The Monkey King. The poor woman ended up marrying the pig.

I never had the confidence to approach girls. I loved to dance, so would go with Emmanuel – Joyce Mitchell’s son – to funk clubs where I was often the only white guy. Emmanuel was 6’2, really good-looking, but I was so funny-looking. One night in Hackney, someone asked Emmanuel if he wanted to be an extra in a film. He said: “Yes, but only if I can bring Eddie.”

My kids, quite rightly, see me as a figure of ridicule. They’re aware how people react when they find out who their father is, but that doesn’t correlate to their experience of me. They love me, but don’t see me as anything special – nor should they. I still dance in the kitchen when I’m cooking a Sunday roast, and they could die of embarrassment when they see me.

I’ve got a face that could be anything. As a young man, I was so funny-looking, I was never going to play the romantic lead. I realised early on that the acting business is 90 per cent people making money out of the 10 per cent of people who know what they’re doing. So decided I needed to be in the 10 per cent.

When I was awarded an OBE, I immediately phoned up Janine, and she burst out crying. Then her parents heard and ran into the room. They probably thought I’d been diagnosed with a terminal disease. We decided to tell the kids on New Year’s Day. We sat them down and said: “Daddy’s got an OBE.” My kids went: “What’s that?”

I’ve always had underlying anxiety. The great cure is meditation. When I was at drama school, my voice teacher said my breathing wasn’t very connected, so sent me to the Buddhist centre in Bethnal Green to learn mindfulness of breathing and meditation. It had a profound effect on me, and I’ve meditated ever since.

I’m probably in the best physical shape I’ve ever been in. I go to the gym three times a week. I started because I went from playing Mitch Winehouse in Back To Black – putting on a lot of weight, and wearing a fat suit, to playing a gangster who beats up Sam Claflin in All The Devils Are Here. I thought: “How the f**k am I going to beat up the guy who could play the next James Bond? I better get in shape.” Then I discovered I really enjoyed it.

I’ve never wanted to be a product. The industry increasingly wants people to be marketable, but once you’re a product, you’re expected to play the same thing again and again. Acting is an exercise in empathy. It’s not about vanity or looking cool. It’s about exploring the human condition in all its forms. With imagination, research and understanding, an actor should be able to play anything.

‘Prisoner’ is on Sky Atlantic and Now. ‘No Ordinary Heist’ is coming to Sky Cinema in June