'I convinced myself I was evil after giving birth. It was all-consuming'

A Cardiff mum said she convinced herself she was evil after experiencing a severe mental health condition after giving birth. Mum-of-four Roz Owens said she "wasn't eating properly, wasn't sleeping and saying things that didn’t make sense" in the weeks after giving birth to her eldest son. The crisis came to a head when Roz attempted to take her own life, resulting in her being hospitalised. She later found out she had been suffering from postpartum psychosis, a rare but serious condition. She is now encouraging other mums to take part in research aimed at improving understanding of the condition. Researchers at the National Centre for Mental Health (NCMH) are recruiting mothers from across the UK for their Mums and Mental Health (MAM) study. The project, funded by Health and Care Research Wales and the European Research Council, hopes to uncover more about the causes of postpartum psychosis and improve diagnosis and treatment. Roz, who is taking part in the study, experienced postpartum psychosis in 2007 following the birth of her eldest son. She spent more than two months receiving treatment in a mother and baby unit. Recalling the experience, Roz said: “I started having symptoms about three weeks after my son was born. It quickly got worse and worse. I’d experienced a slight depression before but this was on another level. People need to realise how extreme it is. It was all-consuming, like I was living in another world. “I wasn’t eating properly, I wasn’t sleeping and was saying things that didn’t make sense. I was delusional: I had convinced myself I was evil. It led to me feeling suicidal. “My husband and mother-in-law could see something was very wrong, but it took me making an attempt on my life to be hospitalised and start getting the help that I needed.” While Roz eventually made a full recovery, she said her time in the mother and baby unit was difficult, partly because she was never clearly told what condition she was experiencing. She said: “Nobody mentioned the words postpartum psychosis to me. When I arrived at the MBU, a psychologist asked me questions, but nobody told me, this is what we think you have. "They told me I was ill, but I believed the delusions I was experiencing. It felt real to me. I’d like to think that if they’d been able to give me a name for what I had, explain the symptoms and tell me I would get better, it could have started to break through, give me another narrative to listen to.” Researchers hope that greater awareness and understanding of postpartum psychosis could help women access support sooner and reduce the impact of the condition on new mothers and their families. Stay in the know by making sure you’re receiving our daily newsletter Researcher Jess Yang said: “There are so many unanswered questions when it comes to postpartum psychosis. We don’t know what the triggers are and symptoms can vary widely. “When identified and treated appropriately, mums generally get well quite quickly in comparison to a lot of other psychiatric conditions. However, there can be a sense of shame or stigma which makes what they went through hard to talk about, which compounds those gaps in understanding. “We want as many mums as possible to share their experiences with us, whether they’ve experienced postpartum psychosis or not, to help us compare groups and identify potential risk factors to explore further. If we can understand more about the condition, we’ll be able to diagnose and treat it better.” Jess added: “Many of the mums I’ve spoken to felt a real sense of loss and sadness about that early postpartum period being so disrupted. If mums could get earlier interventions and support, the impact of their experience will be much less.” Roz, who did not experience psychosis following the births of her other children, hopes the study will help raise awareness among expectant mothers and their families. She said: “We may talk about the ‘baby blues’ but this has to be understood as more than that, because it’s so dangerous and can escalate quickly. While it’s rare, people need to know any key symptoms to look out for, just in case it happens to them or their partner or loved one.” Postpartum psychosis affects around one to two in every 1,000 births and can develop suddenly in the days or weeks following childbirth. Symptoms may include hallucinations, delusions and rapid mood changes. Although the condition is rare, it is considered a medical emergency and requires urgent treatment. Most women recover fully with appropriate care and support, often provided in specialist mother and baby units (MBUs). Despite the seriousness of the condition, researchers say there is still very little understanding of what causes postpartum psychosis. Women can develop the illness even if they have no previous history of mental health problems, and there are currently no clear guidelines for identifying or treating it. The study is asking all mothers to share their experiences, regardless of whether they have experienced mental illness following childbirth. Women who report symptoms or a diagnosis of postpartum psychosis will also be invited to provide a genetic sample using a simple at-home testing kit. More information on postpartum psychosis can be found on the NHS official website. The M aternal Mental Health research study can also be found here.